Transition to School: part 1

E begins school next year. This is a significant transition for any child but if you are a parent of a child with additional needs this transition is MASSIVE.

I don't think most people appreciate just how big a deal this is for parents and the child. I certainly had no appreciation of it until I began walking in these shoes.


Source: here


My piece of advice if you are speaking with a parent who is going through this - please don't downplay their feeling or offer platitudes.
 'I'm sure they'll be fine.'
'He's come so far, it'll all work out.'.
These words do nothing to address the pit of fear at the bottom of my heart and stomach. Or the heartache I feel when I begin to contemplate just how vulnerable my little boy is. Or the constant wondering of how he will cope or just simply understand what is going on in a classroom.

Don't get me wrong. I certainly experienced some emotion when my first child (neuro-typical) started school. But it was different. He was independent. He could express his needs well. He was social. He understood what was happening and the transition that was occurring. Yes, it was a little difficult to let go..... but nothing compared to the overwhelming feelings of the present.

I would never say I love one child more than another. But when you have a child with additional needs it is true to say the love is of a different quality. There is a depth and rawness to this love that is hard to put into words.

 Why or how is it different?
I guess it's different because you have gone through so much grief, pain and anguish with this child. You have fought so hard for them. You have had to do multiple weekly therapies with them for the last couple of years. You have had to sit down and work with them at home for a certain purpose or goal. You have to wrestle with your own emotions of anger towards your child when the frustration gets too much. You watch them struggle with basic developmental tasks or milestones. You celebrate with them small achievements and progress which almost goes unnoticed in other children. You see how they don't understand the world and it tugs on your heart everyday. You try so hard to understand them and connect with them. When so much of what you expect in childhood development doesn't happen.... then your love changes.

 It is more vulnerable. More raw. When you cuddle this child and hold them close you find yourself apologising for the life they have to lead, for the challenges they face that you never wished for them but you have to stand by and watch them struggle regardless.  The realisation that you are your child's advocate in a way you will never have to be for any of your other children. Releasing this child into the school system is a big deal. Especially when it is hard to trust that they are really going to be ok.

If we parents felt more teachers understood and were respectful of this emotion then maybe we'd find it easier to let go. When the road has been tough and the journey long, one bump can feel like a mountain.

Source: http://www.empowernetwork.com/ardivjauhari/blog/the-journey-to-success/