Dawning of a new day

It appears that a new day is dawning for us. For the last 2 weeks I have been saying 'I feel like a have a completely different child in the house.'

E is changing. E is growing. E is nearly 3 and a half. E's sunshine is starting to part the clouds. And its a breath of fresh air.

What's different about our little guy? The first major improvement has been in his language and communication. I don't know if it officially qualifies as a language 'explosion' but it is the most language we have heard from him. Ever. He is spontaneously putting two even sometimes three words together. He now understands some simple instructions and responds accordingly. There have been a number of times that I have had to pinch myself that E was really speaking these words and not his older brother.

E is playing differently. He is socialising more with other children and wanting to join in more with their play. The types of games he is playing with his brothers is changing. The other day they were throwing a balloon to each other and taking turns. I know this sounds like simple stuff but this is ground breaking for our little boy who would never engage in a turn taking game and would run off with the balloon not wanting to share it.

His independent play is developing. He is ACTUALLY PLAYING with toys for longer than a few minutes. He is accessing toys on his own and then playing with them. Toys which used to frustrate him (like magnetic trains on a train track), he is now enjoying and learning to resolve the problems. He used to get so frustrated when the trains would fall apart (because he would try and push about 8 trains), he would immediately throw a tantrum and we would have flying tracks and trains around the room. But now, when the trains fall apart he mostly attempts to fix them himself and keeps on playing.

All this has made a HUGE difference in my day. He is more settled, content and happy. Some days I felt like we went from one tantrum to the next. This is no longer the case. We still have some major meltdowns - and in some ways I feel like these are getting worse but they are not an everyday occurrence. The more minor meltdowns of a constantly unsettled, anxious child are no where near as present.

We still have our challenges. And I keep waiting for him to revert. Is this not all too good to be true?

Why the improvement? Is it because his autism is mild? As his brain matures, is he beginning to process the world like the rest of us do? Is he beginning to understand things which once brought him fear and anxiety? Is some of the effort and love poured into this little boy showing some fruit for the labour? Are his frustrations decreasing as his language increases? Is not all of the above the sheer mercy of God?

A major grief for me of late is that I don't really know my little boy. If I describe him, I end up describing traits of autism. I ask myself: What is here in this little boy that is him, just him? It's an unanswered question. I need to reach the point where I accept that autism and E will always be one and the same. I need to love and know him for who he is. But it's hard when all day long I just want the autism to go away.

My heart aches and my eyes well with tears as I feel like I might be getting a glimpse of who E might really be. I've longed to give him a name in this blog. I haven't like using a capital letter to represent him. But I've never felt like I could nickname him - I wanted to come up with something better, more endearing than Mr Tantrum. I haven't come up with one yet. But I feel one step closer.

Autism at the movies

E has never been to movie theatre. In fact neither has his older brother.

Cars 2 is arriving in the cinemas very very soon and another family has invited us to join them. They have 2 boys who like ours are very keen on Disney's Cars. We are very careful about what we let our boys watch. We try to preview any movies/ shows that our kids might be exposed to and assess whether we think it is approiate material for their stage in life (or at all).

We were very impressed with Disney's Cars. Apart from the subject material being highly attractive for boys (racing cars, trucks, what else is there in life?), we thought the story line, the values it promoted, the growth of the characters were not only entertaining but produced much material to think through and chat about with our boys.

We are not particularly fond of movies which promote a black and white mentality: where there is a 'goodie' and a 'baddie'. For this is not a true representation of life. We are not all 'good' or 'bad'. We are complex. Our lives are complex. 'Good' people do 'bad' things or foolish things. 'Bad' people have a story, a history, have been shaped my a multitude of life experiences and are still capable of doing 'good' things. We prefer to think in the categories of wisdom and foolishness. What does a wise life look like? How do we learn from our failures, our mistakes? What does growth look like? How can we contribute to the world around us from who we are and what we have been given?

Although, Cars does have an element of black and white (Chick for example is presented as the 'baddie'), we think for the most part, the shades of grey in life are highlighted. Lightening McQueen grows and changes, he starts off rude and selfish, and learns what it means to respect others and rely on others. Doc is another interesting character - is he the baddie or the goodie? Again, another examples of the complexities of our character.

We don't know what to expect when we take E into the movie theatre. If anyone has tips for us, we'd love to hear them. It is going to be very hard to explain to him what will happen, especially since there is quite a wait for the movie to start. We will have 2 adults, so if need be one of us can leave with E and the other stay with his older brother. We will be reading some reviews of the film to try and make sure the movie is going to be appropriate for them.

Here is a trailer of the upcoming movie. (And if I am honest, I am a little bit excited myself).